Every psychologist, motivational & inspirational speaker has already said something about this .. But I still want to add:
What does it mean to "love yourself"?
For me it means:
- taking responsibility for my life in my own hands
- letting go of responsibility for what other people think and do: their thoughts about me, feelings for me, even actions towards me are not my business (until I decide to make them my business ..)
- not trying to fix anyone by giving recommendations and advice from my perspective
- exploring my negative reactions to people and situations for my own sake without trying to change others (yes, maybe someone is acting "rude", "ugly" or "wrong", but it's not my business to evaluate their behaviour) - if I don't like my feelings, this is MY problem, which I can deal with for the benefit of myself
- following only those ideas that resonate with me, while accepting that everyone has their own picture of the world, and everyone has the right to their opinion, their beliefs, their choice
In general, my desires to want to feel better, to have good relationships with people around, to enjoy life - really no one else's desires but mine.
They aren't even relevant for my parents, my husband and especially for my children.
And it's not about loneliness - it's about responsibility.
Because, on the other hand, if someone says that your happiness is almost the most important thing for them, it means they are shifting responsibility for their personal state of mind & being onto you.
They are just trying to get rid of their discomfort by trying to change others. Because everyone wants to feel good... but not everyone is ready to take responsibility for their own emotional state..
If you don't give away your power, your state of being becomes good when you explore your own unpleasant emotions / feelings / sensations / situations, understand what you need and satisfy your needs, or at least express the intention to satisfy your needs without blaming others for what you experience.
Look at yourself in the mirror, look into your deep, bottomless eyes, look at your entire reflection...
This person is all you have. This person is the most important person in your life.
What kind of love do you think this person and everything that he/she consists of (the external and internal parts of the body, the feelings, ideas, preferences, desires) deserve?
In your opinion, does this whole being deserve to be ignored and dismissed - if only it doesn’t itch, if only it doesn’t whine, if only it doesn’t hurt, if only it adapts to the standards and norms of society... - we tend to shush our feelings, by shifting responsibility onto others and trying to change others, or by eating/drinking them up with something nasty but tasty.. we judge ourselves for the way our bodies look... we have so much resentment towards our beings.. And I'm not even talking about pills and various methods of therapy for any bodily symptoms.. A lot is being done to ourselves with the desire to escape, get rid of something that is CRYING FOR LOVE..
(I'm not talking about life-threatening situations/symptoms here, in which many, and not very environmentally friendly, remedies are good, no question. Although, assessment of the severity of the situation is often flawed...)
But where is the love in our everyday dealings with discomfort? We're basically killing ourselves...
However. Even when we kill ourselves for no good reason, in fact, love is always here.
It's just that we don't always understand what we really deserve and what we are really capable of...
Well, I'd like to remind you:
Know that you can do differently. You don't have to 'kill yourself' and create even more unpleasant consequences out of self-love.. You can move in another direction - create the life of your dreams, give yourself love in the way you really deserve.
Ultimately, who is the judge? and who will help you understand whether you love yourself 'the right way'? Ultimately, you love yourself as much as you can - everything is fine with you already.. But if you want to experience love differently, first express your intention: How exactly do you want to love yourself? What exactly do you want to feel in life?
After all, each of us autonomously decides what to do. The main thing is to remember that every action (and inaction) is followed by a consequence. Our decisions today shape our future. The way you express your love for yourself today will determine whether you will move forward in life CONSTANTLY DEFENDING YOURSELF against the attacks of life, or with gratitude WATCHING your pleasant DESIRES fulfilling with ease.
Your life is in your hands. The choice is yours. Choose how you want to love yourself.